My not-so-secret memoirs

People leave. Some people just walk out of your life without warning, others slowly start to fade until they completely disappear and sometimes, you're the one that leaves. That's the thing about people, we know they can be unreliable and untrustworthy but we trust them anyway, hoping they prove us wrong. 

I've lost a lot of friends over the last 5 years -  it would probably take both my hands at least to count how many people this could apply to in my life. Well I don't know if I lost friends, you can't lose something you never really had. And if people can treat you fine one moment then like you're their worst enemy the next and they don't think they did anything wrong, are you really losing anything? 

There are lots of reasons people leave, whether it's an argument that can't be resolved, distance, rumours, secrets spilled, love lost. A lot of the time you don't think about these people, it's a little like they've been forgotten. But then, one random afternoon you can be scrolling through social media or talking to someone and all of a sudden their name crops up and you start to think about all the memories you had together. The fun memories - days out, meals, road trips, clubbing, late night chats, sleepovers. And you become nostalgic for those times, wondering what it'd be like if you guys were still friends and whether you should try and get into contact with them, see how they're doing. Then you remember everything that's happened, the things you've been through and why you are where you are now and whilst you don't want to be friends again, you hope that they're doing okay. The feeling passes and you move on with your day without another thought. Because you want them to be okay but not to a point where you actually want to have to talk to them again. And it hurts. It really does. Of course it does, I mean at one point you shared everything with these people - secrets, food, heartache, laughs and now it's like that friendship never even existed. It's pretty similar to a break up really. I think that's one of the more difficult things about growing up, you drift apart from people you thought would be in your life forever. But, you become closer to people you never imagined you would and I’m so grateful for every single one of those people! They know exactly who they are.

If you've ever had someone leave your life, whether it's for something they did or something you did, just know that everything happens for a reason. Sometimes we find out that reason and other times we try and figure out why it happened until we get the closure we deserve. Other times, we pretend we don't care until we have to admit that we do. But it gets better. You'll slowly start to heal yourself and learn that not everybody in your life is meant to stay but they're there to teach you a lesson and help you to grow. 

To the people I no longer speak to or who no longer speak to me for whatever reason, if you ever do read this just know that although I don't miss you, I hope you're doing okay. I wish you all the best and hope you're truly happy. I have no ill feelings, no grudges and no regrets. I've met a lot of great people in my life who are here to stay and whilst you're not one of them, I'm thankful for every memory we ever shared and lesson you ever taught me. 

Are there any people you've lost over the years? Would you like them back in your life or are you grateful for them not being in your life anymore?

My emails/DMs are always open if you want to send in any suggestions/advice/questions that you have and I will answer them all! Otherwise, I'll see you next time:) 

Shine bright sunshines,
Raye x

"Cutting people out of your life is easy, keeping them in is hard" - Walter Dean Myers

Email: rayofsunshineblog@hotmail.com
IG: instagram.com/rayeofsunshineblog