Losing a Loved One

 I know I'm terrible with posting. Honestly, this whole year has had all of us through a loop and I haven't had the motivation or the energy to write anything besides my uni work. Maybe it should be my goal for 2021 to write more blogs. Who knows?

I thought the first post I wrote after my accidental hiatus from this blog should be something meaningful, something I could write about where I could sit back afterwards and feel good about the work I'd done. This blog is extra significant to me because it is dedicated to one of my absolute favourite people, my Grandad. The man who lived next door (with my beautiful Nan) for 21 years and was still always excited to see me, even when I was coming round to borrow milk and bread, though he'd always respond with "we're not a bloody Asda!"

Losing a loved one is hard. Usually, when someone leaves us, it doesn't hurt as much because we know there's always a possibility that they can come back, we can get closure and learn to move on. Death is final. There's no more "see you tomorrow, I love you!", there's no more feeling the warmth of their skin on yours when they cuddle you. Sometimes, there's not even a goodbye. And there's nothing we can do about it, we can't bring them back. All we can do is celebrate their life, let them know we love them and do everything in our power to make them proud. 

You really get to know someone after their death, I know I've learned more about my Grandad since he's been gone than I did in the 21 years of living with him. It's crazy to think that our loved ones had lives before us, but they did. They lived a whole life that we couldn't even imagine would be possible. Though I may not have known everything about his life, I know all of the most important things about him - that he was the greatest grandad I could have ever asked for and that he loved me, with every fibre of his being. If he didn't know it then, he certainly knows now that I love him with every fibre of my being, too. 

There's no particular way to grieve, everyone does it in their own way. For me, I take comfort knowing that he is reunited with all of his loved ones that he's spent his lifetime grieving for, and while I'll spend forever missing him, I have the love and support of my family and friends who loved him too and know exactly how I'm feeling. He's surrounded by his favourite people to help him and so am I. He will live eternally in my heart and my memories and now in his outlined figure on my forearm. 

Grandad, I love you. I cannot thank you enough for the years that you have spent with me, teaching me how to bake, letting me taste test all of your cooking and for always having time for me. You helped make our two houses into one home and I will never forget how lucky I have been to have you as my Grandad. 

Hold your loved ones tight guys, you never know when will be the last time that you can. 

Shine bright Sunshines,

Raye x

"It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all" - Alfred Lord Tennyson

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